Tell Me No Secrets Page 2

  I couldn’t get the images of the bruises on my face and body out of my head. I’d cried myself to sleep or cried until a headache put me to sleep. Over and over I wanted what had happened to be one bad dream because I didn’t want Aric to be married and I didn’t want to be pregnant with a married man’s baby. I didn’t want to be in love with a married man. The hardest thing for me to do was to realize that I had been a fool and had been played like a game of chess. I never thought I’d see the day when I had to fight another woman about her husband, especially when I didn’t even know he was married to begin with.

  I looked at my phone vibrating on the bed and saw that it was Aric. I blew out steam as all of the emotions came flooding back, almost causing tears to fall from my eyes. I really didn’t want to be bothered with him, but since my car was at home, I had no choice. I had no one else to call. Aric and I had been arguing non-stop since I had been in the hospital. He wanted to do a paternity test when it was quite obvious that I was too high risk to have one before the baby was born. I didn’t know why he was acting stupid. He knew he was the only man I’d been sleeping with around the time I got pregnant, which meant I was already pregnant when I’d had sex with Jamie. Speaking of which, he had been calling me too. I liked Jamie . . . liked him a lot, just didn’t know what to do about it since I was in love with Aric and now pregnant with his baby. I knew I had to tell Jamie about my pregnancy and that would mean that whatever it was that we had established would have to stop. I didn’t want any mess with Aric on that. He was already acting stupid enough.

  I pulled on the terry cloth sweat suit Aric had brought up for me the day before and slid my feet into casual Polo sneakers. Just as I was putting the last of my clothing into the gym bag he had bought me, he opened the door.

  “You ready?” he asked me as he closed the door behind him.

  “Yeah. Just need to wait for the discharge papers,” I answered.

  “Damn, they couldn’t have already had that ready?”

  I side eyed him as I walked in front of the mirror to fix my hair and stopped cold in my tracks. Although the bruises were not as bad as they once were, they were still there. All that had happened before my trip to the hospital came flooding back to the fore front of my mind. Tears threatened to fall, but I quickly pulled myself together as I brushed my hair into a ponytail and caught Aric’s eyes in the mirror.

  “We need to talk,” he said to me.

  That we did, I thought as I watched him while finishing my ponytail. He stood there with his hands in his pockets and I could tell he had been at work. His hazel eyes watched me behind his glasses as he licked his lips. The reminder of what he could do with those lips subtle, but it made me appreciate the thickness of them. He had on his signature Armani suit in dark gray with thin white pin stripes. As usual he had the vest to match with a tie that complimented the suit and a crisp white dress shirt underneath it. His muscle defined shape could be made out behind the suit. Dark gray shoes, which I could bet money were Armani as well, set the whole ensemble.

  I didn’t comment as I grabbed my purse and my bag. He quickly took the bag away from me and I didn’t want to be that close to him. His eyes gave me the once over and those same feelings that had made me fall for him the first time around smacked me in the face. Standing that close to him made me feel the same weakness I had felt for him whenever he was near me. I made a big deal of putting my phone in my purse and was happy when the doctor finally came into the room with the discharge papers.

  I listened to her tell me about the prenatal vitamins and iron pills she had prescribed and I paid close attention because, believe it or not, being pregnant scared me badly. I didn’t even think I knew how to be a mother. The last thing she told me was that I was on strict bed rest. That meant that most of my day should be spent in bed. I cast a quick glance at Aric from time to time and I could see that he was paying as much attention as I was. When she was finished with her instructions we walked out of my room and it was amazing how many women were willing to nearly trip over themselves looking at him. I simply shook my head; if they only knew what I knew.

  We were barely out of the parking lot before his phone started blowing up. I assumed it was his wife. For some reason I wanted to reach over and slap him for all the mess he had put me through knowing full well the whole time he was married. There was a surge of jealousy that overtook me. It made me feel some type of way to know that for the last few days it was possible that he had been home with her, holding her, kissing her, making love to her. It had me wondering if he did to her what he’d done to me. My fist clenched and I found myself wanting to lash out at him. I was surprised by my anger, but why should I be? He had played me and played me well! Sitting in his truck beside him I felt like a fool, a complete idiot!

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were married, Aric?”

  Forget waiting to talk, I thought.

  He quickly looked at me before licking his lips and turning his eyes back to the road. We would have to leave the hospital when there was a lot of traffic and congestion.

  “Does that even matter? You know now.”

  I furrowed my brow and turned in my seat to look at him. He couldn’t be serious.

  “Say what? Aric you had me running around here for months thinking that whenever you fixed what you said you had to fix that we would be together. And you knew all of this damn time that you were married,” I retorted. “You could at least say, ‘I’m sorry’.”

  I had turned my back to the passenger side window and was using my hands to talk and get my point across.

  “Look, Chyanne, I could apologize for it, but would that make you feel any better about it? Would that make it any less painful than it is?”

  I watched the muscles flex in his right arm underneath his shirt as he gripped the stirring wheel.

  “Maybe not, but an apology would be nice. I didn’t want to be your mistress Aric or anyone’s for that matter. I feel like a damn fool,” I said. “And then to be attacked by the woman when I didn’t even know who she was takes the cake don’t you think?”

  “That, I will apologize for. I had no idea she would do that.”

  “Well what in hell would you expect? I was sleeping with the husband I didn’t know she had.”

  All he did was cut his eyes at me. Those eyes still sent chills through me even though I was mad and didn’t want them to. I quickly turned and looked out of the passenger side window. There was a family in a neon blue PT Cruiser beside us and two children, a boy and a girl, were in the back laughing and clapping as the mother was clapping her hands and singing. The father had the biggest smile on his face like his family was all that mattered. I smiled when the little girl turned to me and waved. I waved back and she went back to singing with her mother, brother, and father. I could only think about how I’d wished my childhood would’ve been that jubilant. My childhood had been filled with nothing but nightmares that I prayed to God and hoped my child would never have to endure.

  Once we pulled into my driveway, I allowed Aric to help me down from his truck. I was tired and I was starving. That hospital food had done nothing for me, I thought, as I listened to him talk on his phone to whoever his new assistant was. I must admit that it made me jealous that he had already replaced me. Made me wonder if he was doing to her in his office what he had done to me. Whoever she was, she obviously wasn’t as good as I was because he was fussing at her about something she had done to erase the files he had left on her desk.

  I minded my business and checked my messages. Justin had called me several times. I expected him to. He’d been the only real friend I had in the office. I played several messages he had left.

  “Okay bitch! Imma put out a APB on your ass if you don’t call me today. I came by your house today and the neighbors told me last they had seen you were being carted off by an ambulance. I done called Southern Regional, Grady, Emory, Atlanta Medical, and Henry Medical. Henry said they had somebody by your name but couldn’t release
any information. Bitch you got twenty-four hours ta call me or I will do just what I said. Bye. Love you girl. I pray that you are safe!”

  I laughed at Justin. He and I had been friends since we’d both started at B&G a little over four years ago. He had the gayest of the queen’s voices and it sounded like a mixture between Ru Paul and Wendy Williams. The last message he had left was six hours ago. I got a few messages from Jo-Jo, Aaron, and Aaden, and a few more people from work had called. The call from April’s sons made my mind wander to her and think of the mess we had made of our friendship. To think she’d intentionally gone after Aric simply because she’d known I liked him still grated my nerves.

  Although what she had done was wrong on so many levels, I found myself missing the friendship we’d had. She was the only person I could call a friend. Getting back to checking the messages I noticed Gabriel had called me but I quickly stopped playing his message and turned my machine off when Jaime’s voice popped up.

  “You ready to talk now?” Aric asked from behind me and almost made me jump out of my skin.

  I turned to him and nodded before I followed his lead to my front room. He took the loveseat and I took the sofa.

  “Looks like we may be having a baby coming soon,” he started.

  I smacked my lips and rolled my eyes at the “may be” part.

  “I don’t really care how you feel about it, until we get DNA it will always be a possible, maybe,” he said again.

  “Aric, did you not hear that woman say I was twelve to thirteen weeks pregnant? You were the first man I ever had sex with twelve to thirteen weeks ago,” I said, annoyance clearly laced in my voice. I propped one leg under me and plopped down on the sofa again.

  “I don’t know that,” he countered.

  “You have some nerve. Are you calling me a whore?”

  Both my brows raised as I stared pointedly at him.

  “I’m saying that I saw you fucking another man. The same man that was in my damn office building with gifts and shit tonguing you down on your birthday! Say what you want, until I get the blood work, it is what it is.”

  I didn’t even know what to say to that. He had been having sex with April, whoever else, he had a wife, and he wanted to act like this with me?

  “I guess that means I should be asking you to see your HIV status and such huh?” I asked.

  “What?”

  The look on his face was skeptical as if he couldn’t believe I had just asked him that question.

  “You’re asking me for a DNA test and I am asking you about your status. You were having sex with me, April, your wife, and only God knows who else, so proof of your status would be nice to go along with my proof of paternity.”

  “Kiss my ass, Chyanne! You weren’t asking for any of that shit when my dick was inside of you. You didn’t care about any of that when my face was in your pussy either. So fuck what you’re talking about and get me a DNA test then we can talk.”

  I cringed at his choice of words. He was always so brash and I was not about to sit and go tit for tat with him.

  “You’ll get your DNA test when I get my info on your status,” I said as I stood to walk to my bathroom hoping that he wouldn’t get mad enough to come behind me.

  I needed and wanted a long hot shower. Being in that hospital had me feeling like I wasn’t fully clean. So many things were running through my mind. I wanted to ask a lot of questions about him and his wife, but I didn’t want him to evade the questions. Knowing him, he would answer a question with a question. I guess the first thing I needed to do was to calm down because I was so worked up. As I tried to walk past him, Aric grabbed my wrist and pulled me down onto his lap. My nerves shot up and my body overheated. I inhaled and exhaled with my eyes closed biting down on my lip to contain my emotions as his arms enclosed around my waist.

  “I really don’t want to play this game with you Aric. I really don’t.” I heard my voice crack so I knew he had heard it too.

  “What game?” he asked.

  His voice had dipped an octave and it was working every nerve ending in my body right along with the way his eyes gazed over my face. It would have done me some good not to forget what this man had done to me.

  “Aric, you are a married man and you’ve hurt me enough in these last past couple of months to last me a lifetime.”

  “Okay, look. You’re right. I’ve hurt you. I know that, but if this baby is mine, we will always be a part of each other’s lives. You have to get used to that.”

  “That, I can deal with. What I can’t have is you thinking that it will be more than that. I can’t carry on a relationship with a married man and I definitely can’t have you putting your hands on me when you feel like it. I can’t do that Aric and I won’t.”

  I quickly closed my eyes again to fight off his energy.

  “Check this out,” he began. “I’m not making excuses for my behavior. I know I’ve got some things that I need to fix and I know what I’ve done to you is wrong, but me apologizing for it isn’t going to erase your pain or make you forget it, so what’s the use?”

  I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. “No an apology won’t erase it, but at least I’ll know you feel some sympathy about what you’ve done.”

  He licked his lips as he tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow at me. The cocky disposition wasn’t lost on me as I made my way to my bathroom. I was not about to go through the motions with him anymore than I had to. He had kept me on a string for months with this no title thing he was pushing around knowing full well he was married and had no intentions on taking this any further than where it had gone. My anger level shot up another notch as I turned the shower on and adjusted the water temperature.

  I stood there for a minute and thought about my mother. Why had she done it? Why had she stayed with a man who’d treated her the way my father had? What had made her stay there day after day, month after month, year after year? What kind of hold had my father had on her that’d made her want to stay with him and be his punching bag? The things I’d seen, no child should have had to see. No child should’ve had to see their mother being dragged, kicked, and punched. I hated my father and I would forever hate him until the day I died. Hate’s a strong word, but that’s how I felt at that moment. Sometimes I hated my mother; hated her for allowing me to be subjected to such a broken home. I hated her for allowing woman after woman to disrespect her marriage and then to have my father act as if it was his God given right to have a wife and however other many women he’d wanted to have. I would not live my life that way. I refused to.

  I’d gotten out of my clothes and had one foot in the shower when I snatched my robe on and walked back into my front room. Aric was on the phone and it was apparent from the snippet I’d heard he was talking to his wife. In a sense I felt bad for her, but then I kept remembering she sucker punched me and fought with me about her husband. He looked up at me when I stood in front of him. I balled my fists in anger and my patience was gone.

  “Let me call you back,” he said into the phone and hung up before he could get a response.

  “You are not going to sit in my house and disrespect me again. You want to talk to your wife then you do it outside and off my property,” I snapped.

  I could tell he was surprised by the way his brows raised.

  “I am not playing with you, Aric,” I snapped again as I slapped his hand when he reached for my waist. I walked over to my front door and snatched it open. “I want you to leave right now. I need to be alone.”

  The cold air reminded me that I had no clothes on under the robe I was wearing. He stood slowly and made his way to the door.

  “So that’s how it is between us now?”

  I let go of the door and pulled my robe tighter when he got too close for comfort.

  “Yes, Aric. That’s how it is. I’m no longer going to play this game with you. I have a child to think about and...”

  I stopped talking and backed away a bit when he clos
ed the gap between us and tried to avert my eyes when he used his finger to lift my face to his.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow so we can talk about what we are going to do about this child you’re carrying. If it’s mine, get used to me being around because I won’t be going anywhere.”

  I noticed he had put emphasis on the word we both times he’d said it and was mentally thrown off balance when he brought his lips to mine and kissed me. I didn’t know what to do or think. I wasn’t prepared for him to do that and was mad at myself for letting him pull me close to him, deepening the kiss.

  “See you tomorrow,” he said before turning and walking out of the door. “Lock the door behind me. I want to hear you lock it so I’ll know it’s locked. Get some rest and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

  I nodded, closed the door, and locked it. Shaking my head and thinking about what had just happened I made my way back to the shower. Stepping into the shower I silently thanked God that the water hadn’t turned cold. I stood there a while and let the hot water wash over my back. That hospital bed hadn’t been my friend when it had come to my back. I cringed when I turned around and the water hit my sensitive nipples. Quickly washing myself, I finished up, oiled myself down, and crawled into bed.

  There was a lot that I needed to think about. A lot I had to do. A sudden feeling washed over me; one minute I was scared to the point of tears that I was about to become a mother, and then the next minute I was jubilant thinking that God had blessed me with a chance to show the world that I could be a good mother. I was a ball of emotions all night, even as I talked on the phone with Justin and told him about all of the madness. He had wanted to come over and sit with me but I declined, stating that I wanted to be alone. I promised him that we could get together the following week and after worrying myself to death about being a mother, being pregnant by a married man, and being in love with a married man, I prepared myself for a sleepless night.